Remember.

Sometimes we get caught up in a moment. 
We are driven by money, fame, and the usual rat race trying to beat everyone else around us.
We forget.
We forget the frailty of life.
We forget the people who care about us.
We forget that there's more to life than the materials.

Your life can change in a millisecond.
Your priorities can shift in the blink of an eye.

Expect the unexpected, keep your head up, and hope for the best.

Bringing Crazy Back

After a coma-inducing dinner with a good friend, the topic of "who's crazy" dotted our dinner conversation.  What does it mean to be crazy?  Eccentricities or neuroticisms that some people find charming?  Example: "Oh, look at that guy, he's so cute because he has to eat exactly 100 cheerios every morning"  Weird, and possibly stupid, right?   It's when those eccentricities start to take over people's lives that it becomes a turn-off, or downright scary.  Example: "Oh, look at that guy, he has pictures of all his ex-girlfriends when they were sleeping, in a bag under his bed."  Cra---zy.

So, whether you're 100 cheerios guy, or creepy picture taking guy, you're crazy, because lets face it, with a population over 6 billion, it's impossible for us not to be crazy.  We've all got baggage, regrets, stupid things we've said or done making other people feel super uncomfortable (....no? just me, then?...okay, fine) so with life experiences constantly altering how can we be normal?

I say, let's bring the crazy back, enjoy who you are (unless you're an axe murderer, then you need help) because other people are just as crazy as you.

2012

Ahh, the new year is upon us, kids!

The lack of blogging has been mainly because I suck at this...clearly.

So, what are my resolutions for the apparent last year of the existence of the world...haha, I still can't help but laugh at that.  Although, if we are all going to die, I'm cool with that...I've had a good run!

Okay, so what do I hope for in 2012

1) Be a better family member...as much as I love them and they get on my back, I've gotta continue to take care of them and put them first before anything else...that's what a family is.

2) Write more comedy and especially more music..it's one thing to think it, but I really need to write it dooowwwnnnnn!

3) This is the big one.  Cut out all the bullshit.  I'm tired of being the person that looks for the best in people who simply treat me like crap.  I'm tired of vesting time and energy in people who don't make me a priority.  Why surround myself by people that will bring me down, when I have so many people who provide the opposite.  And by people, I mean EVERYONE!  Friends, family, potential relationships, everyone!  I'm also going to stop lying to myself.  This goes hand in hand with cutting out bullshit.  I'm my biggest problem when it comes to anything because I'm way too critical of myself, but at the same time am not critical about the things that, at times, matter the most.
I need honest people.  We need to replace the phrase "the truth hurts" with "hey, crazy, being honest is always better".  Unless of course you really do look fat in that dress... ;) haha

Okay, that's it...now to find some food and let 2012 begin!!

Wasted Day...

Do you know that feeling when you have so much to do and you wonder how you can get everything done?  I'm in that situation right now on the cusp of trying to get everything done before the end of next week.  Although I've been productive, I think I could have gotten more work done.
I think the reason we pull away from our responsibilities is because we don't take proper breaks allowing ourselves to breathe.  Personally, for the past few days, even my breaks consisted of doing work (just different kinds of work).  Finally today, writer's block hit me hard and I've been extra slow getting my thoughts onto the page.
So, I'm taking that as a sign to call it a night early and hopefully start again tomorrow with fresh eyes.

T-minus 1 week before all deadlines.

...damn it.

It's where you least suspect...

You know when you lose something, people often say: "it's in the last place you'd look".  What happens when you lose yourself?  I don't mean like Eminem before a show, but when you're actually lost and don't know where or how to find yourself again?
Losing your identity after graduation is something they don't tell you when you're in university.  We're all socially trained to follow this equation: daycare, elementary school, high school, university/college, full time job, partner, family, death.  Notice how happiness didn't make the cut?  Each part of our education is supposed to be a stepping stone to the next part, but really after your undergrad there is no next part.  If you want to go to do more school you have options, if you want to work, you have options but usually by this point people are likely in debt or needing to pay bills which usually means that the work force plays a role whether full time or not.  So if there are so many options why is it so hard to find work?  Maybe it's not that we can't find work, bur rather that we can't find work that we like to do?
Think of all the menial jobs out there, someone has to do them.  When I was growing up, school was a place that taught us to think big.  How often do you hear little 5 year old Timmy saying he wants to grow up to be a telemarketer?  Timmy wants to be a firefighter because that's cool, that's admirable that's something to strive for.  What Timmy doesn't know is that he's likely going to have to work as a telemarketer for years to pay off debts and put himself through school in order to become a firefighter.  There's nothing wrong with that, yet although we as adults recognize that, we are still inherently programmed to apply for and expect to be hired for the job that we want--the firefighter.  That's why letdowns and rejections are so much more painful because we're not trained to expect "no".  Little Timmy wanted to be a firefighter his whole life but wasn't hired, so now what is he going to do?

Times like these among the height of applications for school and post-grad options, we need to start asking ourselves: what do we really want, and can we really get there.  If, realistically we can't, what are some ways to tailor our path so we can achieve what we want eventually?

Eventually: this should be the word of the day, and quite an underrated word for 20 something-year-olds.
We don't want eventually, we want now.  Sadly, life stops working so easily when you're competing for now with thousands of other people.  It's got to be eventually for a large percentage of those people so what are the chances it'll be you?

A Dream is a Wish...

There are so many theories about dreams and what they could possibly mean.  Are they foreshadowing? Are they our subconscious pushing into our conscious? Or are they brought on by a powerful medication?  Well, I’m sure you know what I would write about me and my current state, but perhaps all these could be true as well.  I remember prior to my medicated induced state my dreams would usually consist of people I cared about or would involve a worry or stressor in my life.  With the 8 day steroid that I’m on, I’ve dreamt that I had my arm bit by an alligator, witnessed a guy run face first in front of a TTC bus while holding a Tim Horton’s Iced Cap, and a very steamy night with Barney Stinson.  I’m pretty sure none of these dreams are foreshadowing…but if the night with Barney Stinson happens, I’m not going to complain ;)
How do we parallel our dreams with our wishes?  Where do we draw the line between what is brought into our perception when we are sleeping to what we knowingly desire and hope for.  It’s also interesting how fast a dream can change.  I remember when I was in high school I had my whole life planned out: by 24 I was already married, pregnant and with a stable job.  HAHAHAHA!! And I wasn’t on steroids when I thought of that one…scary, no?  I don’t think I would’ve ever expected my life to be what it is now, nor would I want to be friends with 14 year old me.  When I was even younger I wanted to be a veterinarian, but that ain’t happening.  Those dreams have changed and something that we’re not really taught but rather learn through life is that we need to change our goals and dreams.  We have to play with the cards we’re dealt with and although I’ve been dealt a pretty strong hand for years on end, my last little time trying to deal with a new hand hasn’t been easy.  Kinda wish I had a cheat code.  It’s also a little disheartening to still have the wishes and dreams that we could when we were kids.  For example, I could easily say “I really hope and dream that I win the lottery” but at this age we know about the variables: you have the play the lottery, you have to consider the odds, and you have to realize that you’re probably not going to win.  Is it still worth dreaming even though we have to think about the variables? Is it harder to accept the variables the older we get?

Well, this little cynic will try to open up a bit, but in the meantime I’m going to eat and hope that my last day of meds will be an easy one.

Peace.

This is SO going on my blog!

We meet again oh faithful reader!

Thanks to those who have suggested that I continue writing.  My year away in CR was the reason I blogged in the first place and once I returned, I figured there was no point blogging because I’m fairly open with my ramblings to most of you anyways. 

Suffice it to say, my life back home and what’s supposed to be my “adulthood” have forced me to write again. I’m not here to teach lessons, provide the answers to life’s questions or even provide you with a few minutes of procrastination making you feel like you’re not wasting your time on facebook (although, who are we kidding, right?).  Instead, this will be my place to write about things that I’m thinking about, things that make me laugh or make me hungry and moreover how I’m handling the joys and pains of post-grad life.

First observation, being sick REALLY sucks.  Kinda a given huh?  Naively, I’ve been hoping for some stability in my life and dealing with readjustment to everything in Toronto, but I seem to always overlook the importance: health is key.  If you’re sick, you’re useless.  No if’s and’s or buts’.  You could be the richest celebrity, a world-renowned doctor, or the next Oprah, but if you’re sick, you’re unable to do anything.  It is nature’s way of reminding all of us that we’re inherently the same, with the same basic needs of life.  I am currently battling another flare up in my what-should-have-been-outgrown-when-I-was-fifteen asthma.   I haven’t been to work, I haven’t done anything productive and I’ve watched more TV reruns than I’m proud to admit.  Seriously, being sick SUCKS!

So, why does it happen?  Any bio-nerd can give you the ins and outs for sickness along with the cures, but perhaps there’s something more to it than a lack of antibodies.  Since I've been home, I've had to deal with a small amount of letdowns.  I've had to figure out myself without school, and for a nerd as big as me, that void was (is) not easy to fill.  The 9-5 job sucks, the lack of academic stimulation and critical thought really make me miss university.  Maybe my health breakdown was the ultimate force making me realize that I need to actively start dealing with the fact that I wanted more out of my life at this point than what I've been dealt.  I can continue to watch endless amounts of TV while recuperating (which is rotting my brain at an alarming rate) or I can start taking an active role in my future.  Stop letting the shitty parts of life get me down and keep striving forward.  OR, I can have some soup, pop some pills and get some rest.

Until next time.